Observations on life; particularly spiritual

Posts tagged “control

Recognizing and responding to legalism

Destroying a barrier to Christian unity

Legalism involves salvation by good works and not Christ alone and insisting on certain behavior in order to please God. Both Christ and Paul identified legalism as a serious sin that can destroy a congregation. In this article we look at how to recognize and respond to legalism. Several signs may be associated with legalism. If many of these are recognizable in the behavior of a person or a congregation, then it is likely that the sin of legalism is present.

Overemphasis on Customs and Traditions

As believers endeavor to act godly, our behavior as individuals or congregations should involve expressing Scriptural principles in the circumstances we face. Legalists develop systems of rules and regulations based on human commands and teachings; they emphasize the human circumstances and neglect the Scriptural principles. They demand strict adherence to traditions and view these as being important, while neglecting major aspects of the Christian faith. This is adding to the Bible as traditional customs and practices are viewed as being equivalent to scriptural principles. Legalism places standards of conduct upon Christians that do not exist in Scripture.

For example, the apostle Peter and the missionary Barnabas were influenced by legalists to follow the Jewish custom of not eating with Gentiles (Gal. 2: 11-14). Also, some teach that baptism, confirmation, church membership or good deeds are necessary for salvation or that Christians need to keep certain Old Testament laws, such as the Sabbath, in order to please God. Furthermore, some think that Sunday is a “holy day” or a replacement of the Jewish Sabbath, but this has no Scriptural support. According to Paul, legalists are enslaved by their customs and traditions (Gal. 4:9; 5:1).

Many legalistic believers make the error of demanding unqualified adherence to their Biblical interpretations and traditions. For example, there are those who feel that to be spiritual one must avoid tobacco, alcoholic beverages, dancing and movies, etc. The truth is that avoiding these things is no guarantee of spirituality.

Overemphasis on external things

Legalism is an external religion. It emphases externals more than internals and people learn that appearance is more important than what they are on the inside and one’s life becomes a performance for those who may be watching. Legalists want to impress others, whereas we should be serving God (Gal. 6:12). The Pharisees thought they were honoring God by following the Old Testament law, but Jesus said they were hypocrites as the inner motives and desires of the mind were more important than external behavior (Mt. 15:1-20).

Criticize and Judge Others

The Pharisees looked down on others that didn’t satisfy their expectations. They added extra rules about the Sabbath to those in the Old Testament (Mt. 12:1-2; Lk. 13:14; Jn. 7:21-24). They even criticized Jesus Christ, the only one without any sin in their life! They made false accusations and were aggressive (Mt. 27:59-68; Mk. 3:22). This led to them judging Him to be a criminal and having Him executed because He claimed to be the Son of God (Mk. 8:31; Jn. 19:7).

Legalists criticize believers that are not like them. This criticism often concerns a disagreement about matters that are not mentioned in the Bible or that are mentioned very little in Scripture. It makes people feel guilty when they shouldn’t feel that way. This leads to the situation where emotions are to be controlled and personal opinions must always be carefully evaluated before being expressed for fear of being criticized or punished.

Although they may appear to be strong, according to Paul legalists are weak (Rom. 14:1; 15:1). They have a weak conscience with respect to debatable matters.

Control Others

A legalist teaches or implies that their rules and regulations are “biblical” and others must adhere to them in order to be “godly”. They take a leadership role and expect others to comply with their viewpoint. Self imposed rules are fine, but putting them on others is legalism.

Legalism is about control; it destroys our freedom in Christ. It demands obedience and involves force: Paul said that Peter was forcing Gentiles to follow Jewish customs (Gal. 2:14). Legalists make life difficult by putting onerous oppressive requirements on others and forcing them to follow their customs slavishly. Conformity is demanded with the reason given that it is essential in order to please God. They use Christianity as a tool to control people, forgetting that Scripture teaches unity, not uniformity.

This leads to fear amongst those coming under the influence of legalism. For example, Peter “was afraid of those who belonged to the circumcision group” (Gal. 2:12). This pattern is like that experienced in domestic abuse where the perpetrator controls the victim and the latter is fearful. In this case the legalist is the perpetrator and those being influenced are victims.

Favoritism and Isolation

The Jews thought that God was only the God of the Jews (Rom 3:29) and they brought this attitude into the early church. Likewise, legalists often separate from others based on nationality or customs, instead of recognizing that the Bible teaches equality amongst believers in the kingdom of God (Gal. 3:28). Instead of accepting one another (Rom. 15:7) there is prejudice, bias and bigotry.

Legalism encourages isolationism. The Pharisees wouldn’t eat with tax collectors and those they considered to be sinners (Mk. 2:16). Legalists separate and withdraw from those who do not conform to their views. They don’t want their followers to know that other Christians love God as much as they do and generally respect the bible as much as they do. For example, Diotrephes refused to welcome other believers and excommunicated those who disagreed with him (3 Jn. 9-10).

Sectarian Spirit

Although having little interest in true evangelism, legalists work zealously to convert others to their point of view. They tend to split over non essential matters and only fellowship with those who agree on doctrinal details, rather than those who show their Christian faith in love for other believers.

Be aware of unwritten creeds and of thinking that we merit God’s favor because we are in a particular denomination or Christian group.

Pride

Although we are all susceptible to pride, legalists have an attitude of superiority over other Christians. The Pharisees wanted to be considered important and sought honor and recognition. They had a self-righteous attitude and looked down on others (Lk. 18:11-12). Diotrephes was probably a legalist as he loved to be first (3 Jn. 1:9). A legalist thinks they are accepted by God because they keep certain rules and regulations, whereas they think that those who don’t live like them can’t please God.

Hypocrisy

Although we are all susceptible to hypocrisy, legalists tend to impose strict standards on others but fail to practice these themselves. The Pharisees appeared to be righteous, but were full of wickedness. Jesus called them hypocrites because they prayed in order to be seen by others and they were always trying to trap Him (Mt. 6:5; Mk. 12:15).

A Lack Of Joy

Because of the critical attitude of legalists and the ensuring conflict that accompanies them, legalism is associated with a lack of joy. This is heightened when things don’t turn out as they expect. For example, the elder brother was angry and refused to attend the party when his father celebrated the return of the lost son (Lk. 15:28-30).

Sins such as legalism are faced in every generation. The risk of legalism comes from within the church: it is a major reason for differences and conflict between Christians. Legalism is a barrier to Christian unity.

We should recognize that we are all legalistic at times. For example, we may judge someone’s spirituality by the version of Bible they read, the clothes they wear, the way they wear their hair or anything that doesn’t fit within our boundaries of acceptability. Some proactive and reactive responses to legalism are given below.

Proactive Responses To Legalism

Because legalism was dangerous, Jesus warned the disciples to be on their guard against it and Paul warned believers to watch out for it (Mt. 16:6; Phil. 3:2). This means that we need to teach each other about the dangers of legalism and know how to recognize it.

As believers we should remind ourselves of scriptural truths that can protect us from legalism. Our salvation is by faith in Christ and not by any works on our behalf. God’s love and mercy to us is unconditional. Under the new covenant we have access to God through Christ because of His redeeming work. Because of this we are liberated from the law and legalism.

The old covenant was a legal document with many commandments and regulations, whereas the New Testament is comprised of incidents in the life of the early church. Teach that the laws of the old covenant have been replaced by God’s new covenant (2 Cor. 3:7-11). This means that laws such as the Sabbath were transitory and looked ahead to the coming of Christ and so do not apply to believers today who look back to Christ (Col. 2:17). Emphasize that a Christian should not be condemned “by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day” (Col. 2:16). Rules and regulations about these are legalism. Note that nine of the ten commandments are repeated in the New Testament to train believers, but there is no requirement to keep the Sabbath or any other day. Instead, believers are to follow the teachings and example of Christ (1 Cor. 9:21).

We should be careful to speak where the bible speaks and be silent where the bible is silent. In particular, don’t equate customs and traditions with biblical truth. Customs and traditions are necessary, but they can change. Remember most Christian activity is practicing a scriptural principle. How we do it depends on our customs and traditions. If we treat the methods and customs as though they are Scriptural principles we “go beyond what is written” in the Bible (1 Cor. 4:6).

Don’t force your personal views on others and don’t criticize others on “disputable matters”, which are things that are not excluded by the bible or inconsistent with it (Rom. 14&15; 1 Cor 8; 1 Cor 10:23-33.).  God is the judge of these things, not us. He knows our motives. We are not to look down on other believers because they have a different opinion on these topics, but accept each other as Christ has (Rom. 15:7). The things that legalists are concerned about are unimportant (Gal 5:6). Don’t waste time on minor and debatable aspects of Christian life such as practices and methods of implementing scriptural principles, or majoring on one truth at the expense of others. This applies to those who teach that baptism, confirmation or church membership are necessary for salvation or that Christians need to keep certain Old testament laws, such as the Sabbath, or promote certain ways to praise and please God. Of course, while we need to be gracious to one another and tolerant of disagreement over disputable matters, we cannot accept heresy.

It’s also good to check our motives for doing things so as to detect instances of pride and hypocrisy. Don’t allow others to set your personal convictions and stop trying to please others; instead seek to please the Lord.

Reactive Responses To Legalism

Paul urged believers to avoid legalism, which means not being involved in the kind of behavior listed above (Tit. 3:9-11). Don’t discuss with legalists matters that are not fundamental doctrines of the Christian faith as this can lead to quarrels (Rom. 14:1). Instead, accept one another as true believers and respect one another (Rom. 14:3).

Beware of supercritical people so as not to be influenced by their critical attitudes. Don’t get hooked trying to win them over because this can almost never be done. Don’t allow them to provoke you to anger or to influence your view of yourself. Avoid trying to gain their approval as you will feel controlled.

However, when legalism is affecting other believers, Paul said that it should be opposed (Gal. 2:11; Tit. 1:10, 11). This may involve gently showing someone that they are acting in an ungodly manner (Gal. 6:1-2). In more serious cases it may require confronting and warning the person that this behavior cannot be tolerated within the congregation. Unfortunately, legalists usually don’t realize that their behavior is sinful: Jesus said that the Pharisees were blind (Mt. 23: 16-26). If they do realize the sinful behavior, then there is a possibility of confession and repentance. But if there is no improvement in the situation, this could lead to excommunication from the congregation, which is like an operation to remove a cancerous growth.

Let’s continue to promote the gospel of God’s grace to humanity, not the false gospel of works (Gal. 1:6-9). Let’s also live as those who have been liberated from the law and legalism.

Written, December 2007

Also see:
The sin of legalism
The sin of liberalism


Recognizing Domestic Oppression

Especially for women

Domestic oppression is a pattern of intimidating or cruel behavior used to control family members. It has been reported that such violence affects 25-33% of Australian families and 28% of U.S. marriages. In most cases, the perpetrators of domestic oppression are men. This may be because women are less able physically to hurt a man, or because they lack financial independence, making them vulnerable to abuse of power. The costs to the community of domestic oppression include wasted lives, fearful spouses and children, and expensive health, counseling, legal and welfare services.

Before we look at what can go wrong, let’s look at what the Bible says about families.

God’s Plan For Family Relationships
In Ephesians 5:22-6:4, Paul described God’s intended relationship between husbands and wives, parents and children this way:

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, His body, of which He is the Savior. Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the Word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant Church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the Church – for we are members of His body. ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This is a profound mystery – but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ – which is the first commandment with a promise – ‘that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

A husband is to love and care for his wife as he loves and cares for himself, and as Christ loves and cares for the Church. A wife is to respect her husband in this context. Children are to obey their parents in the Lord and fathers are not to exasperate their children, but instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. What a lovely picture of a family! What can go wrong?

When Control Replaces Love
Tragically, husbands – often out of a distorted emphasis on their headship, and a failure to recognize the Spirit’s gifting of women to serve – have consciously or unconsciously suppressed women and quenched the Spirit. They have not always loved their wives “as Christ loved the Church.”

The Bible says the wife should not be head of the household (Eph. 5:22-23). When the husband loves his wife as he loves himself, and she respects her husband, there is a balance of power, because he does not think of himself only, and she respects his leadership in this context. But it is possible for this balance of power to be abused. When this happens and a husband does not love his wife, his marriage and spiritual life suffers (1 Pet. 3:7).

Domestic Oppression
Domestic oppression is a range of behaviors used by one against another for the purpose of gaining and maintaining control in a relationship. It is basically an attempt to set up a relationship so that it goes the way the oppressor wants it to go. It is an imbalance of power. There are two “sides” in this imbalance of power: that of the perpetrator and that of the victim.

The range of oppressive behaviors includes: threats and intimidation, verbal and emotional attacks, social and financial control, spiritual abuse (using the Bible to justify control), silence and withdrawal, mental abuse and mind games, physical and sexual assault. Domestic oppression is deliberate and intentional. Often the perpetrator is jealous, insecure and has low self esteem.

The Cycle Of Oppression
Domestic oppression is a pattern of behavior, not isolated, unrelated incidents. It shows up as a cycle that rotates between relative calm and explosions of abuse. The perpetrator holds the power and maintains control over the victim throughout the cycle. After a violent incident, the perpetrator feels regret, sorrow and guilt, and will ask for forgiveness if exposed or if the victim has withdrawn. Promises or gifts may be offered to try to restore the relationship.

After the victim has recovered from the trauma, there is a peaceful period in which the previous violence may be denied. But when things don’t go his way tension builds until there is another incident and the cycle repeats. Some stages in the cycle may be skipped and the time may vary, with cycles tending to become shorter and more violent unless there is intervention.

It has been found that the perpetrator usually comes to the relationship with an agenda of control. It may be subtle at first, and gradually build as things go his way. As time goes by both accept that the way their relationship is operating is “normal.” The pattern of oppression must be recognized before it can be addressed.

Sadly, children are most often victims, and the effects on them can be devastating and lifelong. Unwittingly they learn to avoid conflict and fear commitment. Perpetrators and victims may come from families where there was domestic oppression, and these behaviors can be passed on to their children.

Biblical Examples Of Oppression
King Saul showed many of the classic behaviors of domestic oppression towards his servant David. Saul was jealous of David’s popularity (1 Sam. 18:8). He kept David under his control and isolated David from his family (1 Sam. 18:2). Without social contact and support, the victim is easier to manipulate and becomes more dependent on the oppressor. Saul also sent David on dangerous missions (1 Sam. 18:13; 19:17). He tried to harm him in violent outbursts (1 Sam. 18:10-11; 19:10).

Saul went though periods of remorse when he shed tears, apologized, confessed, and promised not to harm David (1 Sam. 19:6; 24:16-21; 26:21-25). David did nothing to provoke Saul (1 Sam. 20:1; 26:18). In fact, he repeatedly attempted to soothe, appease, reason, and bargain in order to stop the violence. But, none of his efforts worked. David discovered that a victim can’t stop the abuse by seeking to please the abuser.

The Bible describes the following oppressive behaviors as sinful: jealousy, rage, selfishness, discord, dissensions (Gal. 5:19-21); slander, malice, deceit (Rom. 1:28-32); abuse, lack of self control, unloving, unforgiving spirit (2 Tim. 3:1-8). The underlying desire to control another person is sinful (3 Jn. 9-10).

Preparing For A Healthy Marriage Relationship
What can a single person do to avoid the possibility of becoming a victim of domestic oppression after marriage? Start by working with God to become a mature, spiritual person. Learn to value yourself as God does, and develop a close relationship with Him. Don’t view your singleness as merely a time of waiting for your life partner to appear. Work on becoming the person God wants you to be.

Make “safe” friends – those who will be honest with you, and lovingly share your good and bad times. The Bible says, “The wounds of a friend can be trusted … and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel … Do not forsake your friend” (Prov. 27:6,9,10). Safe friendships are nurtured throughout life; we all need them. When you are preparing for marriage, you may not want to spend time with others, but cutting off all supportive friends can be harmful. A wise spouse-to-be (or spouse already) recognizes that healthy friendships enrich the marriage.

Don’t be discouraged; not everyone is oppressively controlling. But be aware of any problems that you might be facing. It takes courage to recognize problems and look for help. Become a strong (but not controlling) person, with a mature faith in God, and safe friends, in order to minimize the likelihood of becoming a victim of domestic oppression.

Published, January, 2007 (by Jean Hawke)